An Arrow Stabs My Insides - Chapter 4

  I watched, breathlessly as Dana got her lunch and walked near our table. I knew I was blushing as she got nearer the world seemed to slow down, and all i could focus on was her...

But that doesnt mean I couldn't hear "Lesbian" being whispered behind my back. I couldnt wait till the end of the school year. it was December.


    I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to notice that Dana sat down beside Marceline, and they were chatting. I looked over.

Our eyes met. Jinxx,  kill me now

        naturally,  I looked away immiedetly. Marceline cleared her throat.

"Dana, this is Apo-" She stopped for a second, and looked at me. I nodded, and she continued.

"Lightalia. Sh..... Sh.." She stopped again to ask my approval.

"She's. .. my Best Friend." Dana nodded and smiled. I couldnt help but smile back.


   Soon, lunch was over, and I made my way to choir.  I actually sing very well.


   Imagine my surprise when I see Dana sitting in my seat. I sure as heck wasnt gonna chew her out, so I just sat far away from her. I loved and hated choir.

I loved it l, because I loved singing, and I hated it, because we were seperated by boys and girls. Which choir do you think I am in?


   My choir teacher is very kind. I also have a feeling she... "knows"... She certainly knows I have a history of self mutilation.  I used to self harm... alot.

And because of choir, we had to wear dresses to the concerts. Of course, I couldnt wear long sleeves or bracelets, since it was formal.

So, after class, I asked if I could be excused from the concert, and mid sentance, I burst into tears. She asked what was wrong, and I told her my wrists... I couldnt hide them in those dresses....

Eventually, she took me to the counselors, and she called my mom, and my mom made my depression, self hate, blah blah, worse.


"Alright ladies," she smiled. She started to play the piano for us to warm up. Suddenly she stopped, and frowned at me. "Lightalia," she said, and naturally,  I flinched.

"Thats not your seat." I could feel my blood rush to me cheeks.

"mm...." I mumbled. "My seat is occupied. " I whispered.  She looked over, and laughed. "And so it is. Dana, could you please move to the next seat? You're sitting in Lightalia's." Dana's eyes widened. "Really?" She gasped,  and quickly moved all her stuff one seat over. Both of us blushing insanely, we sat down.

"Alright ladies! Let's start!!" and so, we began.


    "You have a really pretty voice." Dana said. I nearly choked on nothing.

" Re-really?" I asked, blushing.

" Yea." She said smiling.

it was times like these i wished with all my heart I was a guy. I could put my hands behind my head and act all chill,  legs like a guy,  just happy and confident.  

But that's not how it is.

And once again, I nearly started crying in choir.

Luckily, we were singing with our folders, so I just positioned it so you couldnt see me. Soon, class was over.


   The bell rang, and like roaches to light, everyone scattered. As always,  I was the last person to leave. "Hey, Lightalia," my teacher said. "I just want you to know, you're more of a gentleman than most guys ever will be" She smiled, reassuringly

. I almost started to cry. All I could mutter was a thank you, and run out.